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My Personal View of Some of the Challenges, Trials and Tribulations of Being Female and 50 years old

11/15/2013

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PictureDraw a line. Live above it.
With the end of 2013 now drawing closer and a new year on the horizon, I have spent some time thinking of all the positive and negative challenges, opportunities and experiences that might lie ahead as I approach my mid 50s in 2014, and how these may affect my overall well-being. 

With female friends of the same age group I wanted to find out what had been the biggest challenge they have so far faced on turning 50. 
 
Here are some of their responses.....


  • Menopause = hormones. Period.
  • Getting breast cancer at 55 – thankfully I’m now ok and enjoying my 60s
  • Losing my husband at 50
  • Divorce and becoming self-employed
  • Coping with my husband’s new found heart condition
  • My parent’s difficulties: my father’s descent into severe senile dementia and subsequently going into permanent care, and my mother’s sadness and bewilderment at being on her own for the first time in her 80 years
  • Being a mother to my mum who has Alzheimers
  • Rheumatoid arthritis 
  • Divorce, breast cancer and redundancy in that order, in the last 5 years
  • Seeing the years crawl across my face
  • Joint pain
  • Worrying that, no matter what I do, the fat around my middle keeps expanding
  • The fact that my "female bits" have dried up and have to resort to artificial means to enjoy a "love life"  (regardless of whether I want one or not)
  • Hairs on my chin that are thick white bristles and can't be removed by electrolysis, together with failing eyes that need reading glasses over contact lenses, and the difficulty of seeing clearly to tweezer said bristles.
  • Learning to support, letting go and allowing ‘grown up’ children to get on with their own problems with work and relationships.


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There’s no getting away from it – and as the statements above testify - life doesn't necessarily get any easier the older you get…..but, what I do believe is that you have more tools at your fingertips, and perhaps the gift of knowledge and a tenacious character, to cope with what life will inevitably continue to throw at you.... simply because you've had the experience of all the other previous years of trials and tribulations, ups and downs, joy and sadness in your life.  

“Going self- employed and loving it”

By the time we reach our 50s, we also have to try and continue to be resilient and healthy, whilst retaining the enthusiasm and energy to still enjoy experiences such as building new relationships, perhaps re-kindling old friendships through digital and non-digital platforms, learning new skills, developing exciting life plans such as travel and self-employed business ventures, and throwing ourselves into a new hobby.

“The challenge for me is simply not being perceived in the same way as before.”

 Those of us currently in our 50s are of the baby-boom generation who had, and still hopefully have, the mind-set that we can achieve whatever we set out to do and the endless possibilities that can bring. A study carried out by the National Studies/Older People/Audit Commission Report clearly recognises that “...independence is about exercising choice and control.” “.......the make-up of the older age group is beginning to reflect the first generation immigrants of the 1950s and the post-war baby boomers who, during the 1960s, redefined what it means to be young.”

“The thing the sixties did was to show us the possibilities and the responsibility that we all had. It wasn't the answer. It just gave us a glimpse of the possibility.” ― John Lennon.   

But, of course, a healthier and longer life with more responsibilities (such as looking after increasingly elderly parents, continuing to financially support our children through University..... and until they find a job, being fit enough to continue to enjoy our leisure time etc.) does come with a price tag - in as much as a bottomless pit of disposable income and heaps of reserve energy that we have to draw on.  

“My biggest challenge has been leaving paid employment, re-training and becoming self-employed -  but only working when I want to so I can enjoy my leisure time”

As our life expectancy increases, is it really the only way forward to believe that being 50 is the new 40? Will this help us to remain current, active and employable?

“My challenge is always having to keep up with trends, but at the same time just being who you are.”

When I began my working life in 1977 the retirement age for women was 60 years old.  It has now crept up to 67 years of age (66 years and 10 months, for me, to be precise) and, therefore, I will have to invest almost a further 7 years (or 84 months or 2,555 days) of my precious life at a workplace, in order to be able to draw the State pension, by which time I will have been contributing to the HM Revenue & Customs' coffers for a total of 50 years (I started work at age 17). See the This Is Money article which explains the rule changes to the State pension age which will see people work longer. Find out when you will be allowed to retire (scroll down for the latest exact dates)...



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At this current stage in my life, I cannot honestly envisage myself at 65/66/67 still commuting on the London Underground  to work full time – even if 50 is the new 40!  I just know I won’t’ have the energy or indeed the positive inclination to do it through a 5 day week for approximately 11 months of the year.  Am I alone in this thought?

Indeed, will I still be relatively fit and well enough, at 67 years of age, to enjoy my delayed retirement, or will I be exhausted from almost a continuous 50 years of full time working, currently 9 hours a day with a daily 2 hour commute? 

Furthermore, when I began my career in 1977, the average working week was a respectable 35 hours – it’s now an average of 48 hours with the (compulsory) expectation that you opt out of the Working Time Regulations directive and don’t get paid any extra remuneration for any overtime worked.   

“Ageism is, unfortunately, rife in the workplace”


May I be bold enough to ask the question, “Why should employed staff work for no extra reward over and above their contracted hours?”  In my books, working for no financial reward is called ‘volunteering’ – something one can do once one has retired from being employed/self-employed. Or should I really feel gracious that I am very lucky to actually be in full time employment, at my age?

I fully agree with Jessica Stillman's article entitled Why Working More Than 40 Hours a Week is Useless which explains the research behind the fact that consistently working more than 40 hours a week is simply unproductive.

BBC News – 20th August 2013
“The gender pay gap increases with each rung of the management ladder, says the CMI, with male salaries already almost 25% higher than women's before bonuses are even taken into account.”

And, to add insult to injury, since the 1970 Equal Pay Act came into force, there is still, decades later, an unequal gender pay gap! ‘Nick Clegg calls for more openness on gender pay gap.’

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Does our gift of experience add advantages to the way in which we handle the rest of our lives, and enable us to overcome all the negative aspects of getting older? The importance of continuing to exercise our mind and body, to keep our brain, heart and muscles strong is, in my view, a complete necessity. 

Moreover, with many marriages breaking down, and divorce rates rising for the over-60s, notwithstanding our inherent (baby-boomer) quest for a new independence and a need for what I can only describe as an ‘I am me’ single brand recognition, this also brings with it the responsibility of ensuring all your personal future financial needs will be taken care of. 

As responsible, adult individuals we have the duty to make certain that we have the means to secure a roof over our head and are fit and healthy to look after ourselves.  This can be a scary realisation when private pensions are no longer performing as well as they did when we first took them out in the booming 1980s, and we now have to work additional years before we can receive our State pension.  

As divorced/separated females, we no longer have the safety net of a partner’s financial input into the household pot, and may not be able to afford to retain the level of comfortable existence that we once enjoyed when gainfully employed and in a marital partnership.

With families moving away far and wide, both in the UK and abroad, and their own responsibilities to contend with, there is rarely the close knit family support that once was enjoyed by the British traditional parent/family unit. 



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“It was exciting to start a new relationship”

However, it’s surely not all doom and gloom, you may exclaim?  We must also highlight the positive aspects of being 50 and looking towards being 60! 



“Finally respecting myself”

The positive challenge responses that I received, and which jumped out for me, include ‘having the courage to go it alone’, finding a ‘new sense of freedom’, being ‘self-employed and loving it’ and ‘enjoying new experiences’.  

“My challenge has been starting my own curtain making business - but it’s the best thing I have ever done!”

Personal achievement and the confidence to go ‘all out for it’, with both arms outstretched, is something to be greatly admired.  An inner strength not to give up is a very admirable and a commendable trait which I believe women, of any age, do extremely well. 

In the main we, as females, are of course, the natural nurturers, the carers, the ones that ‘hold it all together’  for the family and, by the time we reach our 50s, we may have the new found opportunity and time to turn that ‘giving’ to personally receiving the gift of our own ‘unconditional love’.



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"I do not know the challenges of being 50 as I still feel as if I am 45!"
“I do not know the challenges of being 50 as I still feel as if I am 45 :-)”

Last week I read a motivational quote which summed it all up for me.  A great way to direct my thoughts and feelings when I have specific problems and everyday challenges to face.....

“Draw a line.  Live above it”

I truly believe, by not allowing any negative aspects to infiltrate above this imaginary line, by calling anything below this line ‘well-earned experience’, we may all have the opportunity to continue to move forwards, and really be able to enjoy our 50s and far into our 60s – indeed, whatever life may throw at us! 
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Goal Getter

9/29/2013

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Interview with Natalie de Frietas, Journalist at The Institute of Administrative Management on 10th September 2013

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THE DAY I JUMPED.......

8/2/2013

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A leap of faith!
….into a whole new adventure was a  rainy day in April, 1985. I was leaving my comfortable life in London, working as a well-paid PA at Barclays Merchant Bank, to live on the small, 99% Catholic,  Mediterranean island of Malta; with somewhere to live, but no guaranteed  job.  To take you back to that  time, in the UK news, Mohammed Al Fayed had just bought the London-based iconic  department store - Harrods, and an 18-month old boy had become the youngest  person in Britain to die of AIDS – a new and very frightening disease with no  known cure. 
 
Many  of my friends said ‘how brave!’ I was to embark on this new adventure into the  relatively unknown – to leave so much behind me – family, friends, a secure job  – and start a new life. But at 25 years old I was ready to experience a new beginning, far away from the London ‘rat race’ that was beginning to engulf me.  Even though I knew it would take me out of my ‘comfort zone’, I can honestly  say that the Maltese way of life was quite a culture shock!
 
In 1985, the Malta that welcomed me to its shores was run on the lines of a  protectionist state with trade barriers and custom restrictions which were so alien to my old existence in the booming and fun City of London. On the island  I now found myself, it was practically unheard of for married women to remain within the labour force after their honeymoon and, as such, they were also  unable to open a bank account without the authoritative signature of their  husband –unheard of in 1985 UK!

 Could   I adapt to this new life?  The wise saying ‘Look Before You Leap’ sprang to my mind on many occasions…..
 
……..but I did learn to culturally adapt, whilst retaining personal independence and  ‘modern’values, because I believe this is a skill and spirit I possess. It was tough at times, and I invariably questioned my reasons for moving to such a  relatively restrictive environment but, at the end of the day, it was all about setting and conquering my own challenges. 
 
I  often weighed up the advantages and disadvantages of what Malta could actually offer me and, I’m very pleased to say, that I did remain – for 10 years. I actually positively experienced far more than I bargained for, or imagined was possible, even beyond my wildest dreams – and, if for only those reasons, I am  truly grateful. 
 
Learning  to adapt and embrace a new life, whatever your circumstances, can be extremely daunting for many of us.  If you are resisting change, ask yourself what you are complaining about, resigned to or even afraid of.  Listen to your self-reasoning, your passion for where you want to be, either physically or mentally, or even both, and commit to making that change.
 
Try it out, experience  it and learn from it – you will be surprised at how it gives you a different  perspective on many future areas of your life!


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A weekend away to Nunney, Somerset for some rest, culture and Maltese delicacies!

11/29/2012

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I recently enjoyed a wonderful weekend staying at The George at Nunney Inn, a Grade II listed building which dates from the 17th Century. The George, a newly renovated Gastro Pub with Accommodation, recently taken over by Gordon Hedges and family, is situated in the beautiful Somerset village of Nunney, which name comes from Old English meaning Nunna’s Island -  nearby towns include Frome, Bradford-on-Avon, Wells - the smallest city in England, and the World Heritage City of Bath.  The village of Nunney was once described as “the prettiest village in England” and it certainly lives up to its reputation.

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Nunney is quite unique in that it is centred around the small, French-style, moated, 14th century Nunney Castle, originally built under a royal licence issued in 1373 to local royal knight Sir John de la Mere, and now owned by English Heritage. Entrance is free and you can visit at ‘any reasonable time’.


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I wanted to share with my readers this perfect place to visit in the English countryside, especially if you are looking for an idyllic setting in which to wind down and relax, or are looking for a convenient base to explore the surrounding towns.  With the famous Bath Christmas Market being held this year between Thursday 22nd November and Sunday 9th December, now might be a good time to plan ahead and spend a weekend away for some good quality Bath Christmas shopping! 

I travelled down to Somerset from Essex in the pouring rain on a Friday afternoon but was pleasantly met, just over three hours later, by sunshine and blue skies in the village of Nunney, located completely off the beaten track down a winding lane, past quaint country cottages, a babbling brook and waddling ducks. As I drove down the hill, I could clearly see Nunney Castle dominating the skyline, and couldn’t wait to take a closer look!


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The George at Nunney directly faces the Castle and has excellent views of the village brook from its cushioned interior window seats.  The refurbished ground floor restaurant and bar area evokes warmth and comfort in muted creams and (interior designer) Kelly Hoppen taupe. There are nine en-suite bedrooms, including a four-poster room, and is currently rated 3*** by the English Tourism Council. The blackboard that greets you as you enter inside reads “Children, dogs and muddy boots are most welcome!” The Hedges family have taken over the running of The George at Nunney as recently as April 2012 and have done amazingly well, already receiving the TripAdvisor Certificate of Excellence.


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The next morning, after a first-rate, full English breakfast, I couldn’t wait to explore the ruined Castle – just a short walk across a bridge tucked away in Church Street, and then went on to see the rest of the village that meanders away from the central Market Place in four different directions. Saturday continued with a short drive to Bradford on Avon, visiting Kennet and Avon Canal’s deepest lock, and a most refreshing welcome pot of rose scented Pachong tea with savoury scone at the UK Tea Guild award winning Victorian  Bridge Tea Rooms.                                        

For the latter part of the afternoon, I quickly dashed to my all-time favourite City of Bath to window-shop and also, to my great delight, buy some very good, traditional  Maltese delicacies which, I am very pleased to say, are now available from the Cafe Au Lait outlets – all the way from Malta!


“Children, dogs and muddy boots are most welcome!”
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The George is already renowned for its excellent lunch and evening menus and, after a satisfying meal of freshly seared scallops and crispy chunky chips, my evening was spent chatting away with friends in the busy but relaxing bar area.
If you need a family countryside get-away-from-it-all weekend, with lots nearby to see and do whilst also taking in beautiful scenery, I can highly recommend Nunney!



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Maggie's Night Hike - London 2012 in conjunction with Open House Weekend

9/21/2012

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Exploring London by night and raising money for people with cancer

On the evening of Friday 21st September my daughter, Harriet, and I took part in a fundraising 10-mile Night Hike for Maggie’s Centres , a charity set up to help empower people to live with, through and beyond cancer by bringing together professional help, communities of support and building design to create exceptional centres for cancer care.

Who Maggie was:

Back in 1993, when Maggie Keswick Jencks was told that her cancer had returned with a vengeance, she set about realising her vision for a ‘cancer caring centre’ where patients could meet in a relaxed, well designed domestic-style environment, and be given the necessary support to help with the many stresses and psychological aspects of living with cancer.

Although Maggie was given only three months to live, she extended her life by a further eighteenth months after being given advanced chemotherapy treatment at the Western General Hospital in Edinburgh.  During this special, extra time, and along with her architect husband Charles, she came up with the initial ideas and plans for her revolutionary venture. 

Maggie’s programme now provides five core elements, all delivered within exceptional, uplifting and non-institutional building spaces :

Ø  Emotional and Psychological Support
Ø  Relaxation and Stress Management
Ø  Information, such as about your diagnosis, personal help with treatment etc.
Ø  Benefits Advice
Ø  Other Support for Living with Cancer, such as Look Good...Feel Better, Nutrition etc.

Maggie, a writer, landscape designer, painter and mother of two, lost her life to cancer in July 1995 and the first Maggie’s Centre opened in the Western General Hospital in Edinburgh in November 1996.

The aim of the Charity is to raise sufficient funds to have fifteen Maggie’s centres across the UK by 2014 – there are currently thirteen spanning the UK plus one in Hong Kong and another in Barcelona.

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Harriet and I decided to opt for the 10 mile challenge, as opposed to the 20 mile hike, since we felt this would be more achievable on a Friday evening after a week at work and a busy weekend ahead of us!

The hike was held in conjunction with Open House London weekend which meant we enjoyed exclusive access to the city’s top architectural spaces, with the addition of being provided with food, drink and live music!

The Night Hike Registration was held at the famous London City Leadenhall Market in Gracechurch Street and we set off sharp at 7.30 p.m. after a much needed warm-up in the rain!

Passing by the Tower of London and across Tower Bridge, our first stop, at 1.5 miles, was City Hall – the home of the Mayor of London.  Since I had twice previously visited this building, once for a YMCA conference on the top floor ‘London’s Living Room’ and another to listen to Boris Johnson’s Mayor’s Question Time, we continued on to the next stop (3.5 miles) which was the EDF Energy London Eye.



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Here we received a welcome snack and drink as well as a free ride in one of the London Eye Pods. The night time panorama was fantastic to behold – a wonderful bird’s eye view of London stretched out beneath us and the night sky illuminated with street and building lights. We then had the surprise of being given a free photograph of ourselves in the pod - completely unexpected and a wonderful souvenir!

The time was now 9.30 p.m. and our hike journey continued across Westminster Bridge and the Houses of Parliament towards Birdcage Walk and Buckingham Palace Gardens, arriving at The Royal Geographical Society in Kensington (6.5 miles). The Society is a membership organisation and the building is, as such, not open to the public except for exhibitions in the Pavilion and other public events open to non-members, including Open House weekend and, of course,  Maggie’s Night Hike!   Here we could enjoy tea and biscuits and a well needed rest room pit stop.



With only 3.5 miles to go until we reached our final destination at Maggie’s West London, we continued walking down Exhibition Road to South Kensington tube station and then along the length of Fulham Road.  We passed many happy Friday night revellers in the countless bars and restaurants, as well as the numerous antique and specialist furnishing stores that give Fulham Road its unique atmosphere.

Finally we reached Fulham Broadway tube station and I can honestly say, by this point and with the time just after 11 p.m., I was flagging!  The volunteers had been cheering us along the way but, all of a sudden, they seemed to have disappeared!  So, Harriet and I gave each other some encouraging words to keep going - we were literally only a mile and a half away from accomplishing our goal!


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We crossed Lillie Road, Hammersmith and there, just around the corner, was Charing Cross Hospital and Maggie’s West London Centre!  At 11.40 p.m. we turned into the Main Entrance of the hospital and were greeted by loud cheers, rapturous clapping and received a well earned ‘Maggie’s Medal’.  WE HAD DONE IT!

Harriet and I would like to say a big “thank you” to Maggie’s Centres for organising such a brilliant fundraising challenge and, we are pleased to report that, between us we have so far managed to raise £521 from our joint 10 mile Night Hike for this inspiring Charity.

If you would like to make a donation to Maggie’s Centres you can do so on our Just Giving pages:

Kay’s Just Giving Pages

Harriet’s Just Giving Page


Thank you!


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Enlightenment - A Seagull's Story : 50 hours of voluntary flocking!

9/7/2012

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Enlightenment  - the title of the 2012 Paralympics Games’ Opening Ceremony - a theme of scientific discovery and the empowerment of disabled people

A Seagull’s Story

 ‘And I've been searching for my wings I've been searching for my wings some time.' Antony Hegarty, ‘Bird Gerhl’

On Wednesday 29th August I had the utmost privilege to perform as a volunteer cast member at the 2012 Opening Ceremony of the Paralympics Games, entitled Enlightenment.   My role was as a Seagull puppeteer in the Navigation section, and I feel very overwhelmed by the experience – a truly amazing, emotional, human journey that I shall never forget.

I believe there was some presence of fate that I was chosen to play such a special role (as featured in a photograph included in ‘Hello’ magazine and a spread on page 8 and 9 of the Evening Standard, no less!); one of 50 flying Seagull puppeteers who would flock around Miranda’s boat  - a character inspired by the heroine of Shakespeare’s The Tempest, and played in the ceremony by Nicola Miles-Wildin, a young disabled actor.  Like Prospero’s daughter, our Miranda looks at the world with a sense of wonder – making her eyes our eyes.

I had originally auditioned for a part in the Olympics Opening Ceremony to be held on Friday 27th July - but only secured a Reserve place. I was initially devastated that I may not ever have the chance to be a volunteer performer but, in fact, as things usually turn out, it was the best thing that could have happened!   This is because I had been invited to a very special wedding in Lake Bled, Slovenia which was to be held on Friday 27th July – the same day as the Opening Ceremony!  So fate had definitely dealt me a lucky hand when I was told there was a volunteer role for me in the Paralympics Opening Ceremony on Wednesday 29th August.... if I was still interested.  It didn’t take me more than a nanosecond to hit the Accept reply button!

After just over 50 hours of rehearsals spread out over three venues - at the Three Mills Studios in Bromley-by-Bow, in the middle of a huge disused Ford car park in Dagenham (in 80 degree heat on the hottest weekend of the year) and 2 dress rehearsals in the Olympic Stadium itself, the Seagulls were finally ready for their first live performance to an audience of 80,000 people and 11 million TV viewers!


The whole of the Navigation section (which included, apart from Seagulls, Whirlers, Pods, Poles, Push, Readers...) had rehearsed in isolation, so we did not have any idea what the rest of the Ceremony Performance would be about, or even look like.  In fact, the first time we all got to see most of the Ceremony was on the actual Ceremony night, watching from our comfortable dressing room on a large TV screen.  Since the Navigation section was due on stage after the Athlete’s Parade, which ran over by an hour on the actual show night, we did manage to enjoy watching a great deal of it before we were called down to VOM 5 – our holding area - in the bowels of the Stadium.

Finally, the whole Enlightenment concept, and what our role with Miranda was in an upturned umbrella boat, started to make sense!  I was particularly drawn to Stephen Hawking’s message, ‘Look up at the stars, and not down at your feet. Try to make sense of what you see, and wonder about what makes the universe exist. Be curious.’   This, indeed we were and, when we realised how beautiful our Seagulls actually looked against a backdrop of blue light, making the pages of our Seagull Books appear to float like birds on the wing, we too were mesmerised. Our Dance Captain, Danielle told us that there was something special in the air...that the way people would view disability, and what can actually be achieved by individuals, would definitely start to change from now on, especially after watching the Ceremony spectacular. The message was clear: to celebrate the empowering possibilities of ideas, science and creativity, through which we can realise our full potential – who we are and who we aspire to be.

At last, at 11.30 p.m. our time had arrived to walk boldly in to the Stadium, in our 5 separate Flocks, (I was Seagull Number 2 in Flock 1), holding our individual Seagull puppets (which we had all, personally, grown very fond of) and we flapped in time, to our well rehearsed sequence.  We moved swiftly around Miranda’s boat in set circle forms to the beautiful music played by the London Symphony Orchestra.  The music then became more storm-like and we flapped faster, tilted and swayed until we were cued to leave the stage via our radio earpieces.  Our 4 minute performance was complete and we returned to VOM 5 to rapturous clapping and cheers from our fellow performers waiting in the wings for their turn.  The smile on my face was like a Cheshire cat!  We had done it!

And we didn’t have long to wait to join in the Finale  - our chance to sing and ‘sign’ to ‘I Am What I Am’ sang by Beverley Knight, along with the Stadium audience.  What a feeling that was to be in the middle of so many people, with the lit Paralympic Cauldron glowing behind me and surrounded by the many new friends I had made, as well as all the other volunteer co-performers.

What a night!


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How to reach your goals!

9/7/2012

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Having watched on television, for the past month, amazing feats of human accomplishment at the Olympics and Paralympics, I thought it would be a good idea to explain how we can all get ‘SMART’ in achieving our personal Bronze, Silver and Gold medals!

Similar to a world-class athlete, as long as you have a strong focus and strategy you will be well on your way to achieving whatever you set out to accomplish.  The following tried and tested Life Coaching Practitioner methods will help guide you towards reaching your goals.

Smart Goals

SMART is an acronym for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timed (Goal Plan).  These five headings are explained in more detail here: Project Smart Goals and, of course, can be used in a variety of settings where ‘something’ or ‘anything’, as a group or by yourself, has to be successfully organised and/or achieved.

Being Positive

It is important to remember that Goals come in all shapes and sizes; they don’t all have to be bright, shiny, first-past-the-post Gold Goals, but can just as well be smaller Silver goals or even mini-sized Bronze ones.  They are all just as important within your overall Goal Plan strategy.  The key point to bear in mind is that, in order to achieve successful goals, they must be thought of and stated in the positive.  This may sound obvious but, if you have a negative goal, such as, “I don’t enjoy my job” you actually won’t achieve anything.  It is, in effect, a closed ended statement that doesn’t lead you anywhere or have any identifiable aim.  Sam Bowen, Paralympian, whose right leg is paralysed from the knee down due to a mortar explosion talks about being “so low….I couldn’t accept what had happened to me, My mentality became ‘Can’t, can’t, can’t’.  But this changed in 2011 when she was persuaded to join a sitting volleyball session and suddenly her mantra became ‘I can do this. And I’m enjoying this’ (The Sunday Telegraph 19.08.12).  So, instead of using a negative, the statement, or goal, has to be turned around and announced in the positive.  This can be done by asking yourself questions such as, “What do I want from my job?”, and “What would I rather be doing instead?”  Your answer could be, “I want to change my job and pursue a career in Marketing for a professional services company.”  This is a positive goal!

Achieving It For Yourself

Another important question you need to ask yourself is, “Am I doing this for myself or for another person’s benefit?”  By answering this question, you will strengthen and cement the actual reason why you, personally, want to achieve your goal.  If you are setting a goal  for someone else’s profit then you are definitely not in control and will not be able to singularly drive your Goal Plan forward. You are, in essence, fulfilling someone else’s ambition.  Be sure that you are confident in the reasons for achieving your goal and that it enables you to realise your aspirations.

Obstacle Ilusions!

For a goal to be achieved it is also imperative to ensure that you don’t allow any negative external influences to jeopardise the pathway in your Goal Plan.  However, there will, of course, be times when obstacles will present themselves and create unexpected necessary diversions or temporary dead-ends.

The positive way to deal with these problems is to find a compromise solution, which could mean finding a different way of achieving the next milestone in your overall Goal Plan strategy.

Goal Plans are SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Timed) and, therefore, if you are challenged with an obstacle, or negative influence, it is important that you find a solution as quickly as possible to overcome it, so that you are able to keep on track and reach the finishing post within the time frame you have set.

As an easy example, if your goal is to save £1,000 in 6 months for a special purchase, you can break down your Goal Plan as follows:

Bronze (mini) Goals                                To save £180 per month (x 6)

Silver Goal (half way milestone)             To have saved £540 after 3 months (x 2)

Gold Goal (ultimate Goal)                      To have saved £1,000

If you achieve £180 x 6 months you will have actually surpassed your Gold Goal and saved £1,080 – this will give you the bonus of an extra £80, and also gives you a buffer zone to fall back on if, in one of the saving months, you come face-to-face with an obstacle which prevents you from putting aside the full £180.

The key to effectively mapping out a successful Goal Plan strategy is:

  • to forecast ahead
  • always over estimate on time-frames so that you have a buffer zone to fall back on
  • set realistic and achievable mini-sized goals so that you can feel a sense of achievement as you work towards reaching your final Gold Goal.
  • Always break down your Gold Goals into more manageable bite-size chunks so that you are able to constantly measure your progress and keep your Goal Plan moving forward. The Bronze and Silver medals are just as important!
What Does Your Goal ‘Look’ Like?

The following questions may sound a little strange to ask yourself but, in doing so, they will further help you to reinforce your Goal Plan aims and retain your strong motivation to succeed.

  • How will you know when you have achieved your goal?
  • How will you be sure that you have reached what you set out to accomplish in your Goal Plan?
  • What do you envisage you will be feeling, seeing, hearing and doing when you reach that Gold milestone?
Here are some examples of answers you may give:

  • How will you know when you have achieved your goal?  I will have saved at least £1,000
  • How will you be sure that you have reached what you set out to accomplish in your Goal Plan?    I will have made that special purchase using the £1,000 that I have saved
  • What do you envisage you will be feeling, seeing, hearing and doing when you reach that Bronze, Silver and Gold milestone?    I will feel happy/ I will have a sense of accomplishment/I will be able to enjoy making the purchase and I will be in the shop with the purchase in my possession!
Again, very simply, by writing down what it is you want to achieve, how you want to achieve it and how it will feel when you have done so, will help to add another sensory dimension to your Goal Plan, and also re-confirm to you that the Gold Goal is a real, achievable, successful and positive goal statement.

It may be that, half way through your six months Goal Plan, you lose focus and enthusiasm for continuing with the SMART task you have set yourself.  By referring back to your written answers you will be reminded of the reasons you originally wanted to achieve this particular goal.

If, however, against all odds, your plans fall by the way-side and you lose interest in saving the required £1,000 to make the purchase, it is not the end of the World!  Don’t regard this goal journey as a failure but look at the reasons why it wasn’t a success.  It is counter-productive to be negative and, therefore, the only way forward is to look at a problem from its positive side.  It may be that a newer, more exciting version of what it is you want to purchase has come on the market!  In this instance, re-set your Goal Plan so that you can continue with a new journey and reach the alternative goal destination.  It may be that you have decided you no longer have use for, or even like your original purchase idea.  In this scenario you have two choices: you can either continue saving for another more expensive purchase, or spend the money you have already accumulated on something else.

What Will Happen…..?

There are six very useful questions, used extensively by Life Coaching Practitioners, which you can ask yourself whenever you need to make a difficult decision.  This method, of course, can also be used to support your personal Goal Plan and reaffirm to yourself the reasons why you wish to achieve it.  Be aware of any pictures, sounds and particularly feelings that your unconscious mind raises.  Be sympathetic to the response you get and adjust your goal accordingly.  This method is a great tool to formalise any undecided or muddled thoughts you may have. The last question does require some in-depth thought and may have you struggling to answer – but break down the sentence into two parts and it will make sense!

  1. What is the real purpose why I want this?
  2. What will I lose and/or gain if I have it?
  3. What will happen when I get it?
  4. What won’t happen if I get it?
  5. What will happen if I don’t get it?
  6. What won’t happen if I don’t get it?
Take heart and learn from the Olympian and Paralympian athletes and remember to enjoy your success, Peta Bee writing for The Sunday Times Style magazine quoted Jessica Ennis as saying “I feel really complete now, I’ve achieved some of my major goals” and goes on to write “Indeed, she skipped the 100m hurdles to allow herself to revel in her success” !

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The Magic of Lake Bled, the pearl of Slovenia

8/2/2012

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Bled Island view from Bled Castle
“Once upon a time there was a green meadow where Lake Bled lies today.  In the middle was a little hill where sheep grazed on sunny days and fairies danced on starry nights.  But when the sheep had grazed all of the soft grass on the hill, around the rock and its top, the fairies asked the shepherds to fence in their hill so the grass would grow again.  The shepherds laughed at the fairies’ request.  “If you don’t fence our hill in, we’ll do it ourselves!” warned the insulted fairies.  When even these threats were ignored, and the youngest and the most beautiful fairy slipped and fell on the hard slippery ground on the hill, the angry fairies called upon the mountain waters to cover the grassy meadow and to fence their hill with guards of water.  Thus the fairy hill changed into the island in the middle of the lake where one can still feel the magical power of the fairies”.  Traditional Slovenian Story

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The 99 steps to The Church of the Assumption
Bled is a truly magical place! My daughter and I were recently privileged to be invited to a wedding held on Bled Island (www.blejskiotok.si) with the reception afterwards at the 5* Grand Hotel Toplice  (www.hotel-toplice.com).  A truly romantic setting if ever there was one!  

On the special day, we travelled with the wedding entourage – plus Priest, organist and opera singer - to the Church of the Assumption, on a canopied, flower-decked rowing boat (pletna).  The atmosphere was extremely peaceful and majestic on our journey across the lake and the bride looked so elegant sitting at the bow with the groom.

We disembarked at the bottom of a 99-step staircase that led directly to a terrace with the welcoming church door just beyond.  It is tradition for the groom to carry his bride up this flight of steps to show his strength, whilst the bride must also remain perfectly silent in order to bring future happiness to their marriage.  In mid 80 degree heat and wearing full wedding regalia this was some tall order, even for our strapping groom!  Inside the beautifully adorned church, hanging from a small tower above the nave is the 15th century Wishing Bell.  It is believed that all those who ring the bell to honour the Blessed Virgin will have their wishes granted.



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Atop Bled Castle
I would, hand-on-heart, say that everyone should visit Bled just once in their lives; a long weekend break is ideal since the flight time from London Stansted to the airport at Lubljana, the Capital of Slovenia, is just under two hours.  A short, thirty minute airport transfer by car and you have arrived in the centre of Bled, a popular spa resort in the mid-19th century and now a very visual trademark for the Slovenian tourist industry.

We spent the first day, of our short holiday, leisurely walking around Bled Lake mesmerised by the beautiful scenery that presented itself as a never-ending photograph opportunity.  With wooded hills protecting the pathway that circumvents the lake, and alpine peaks in the distance, we were also easily coaxed to scale the steep path to Bled Castle which is dramatically located on a sheer cliff overlooking the lake’s eastern end.  A winding, very hilly climb, 270 steps and very out of breath, we arrived at the fairytale castle.  Sitting at a table on one of three terraces overlooking the lake below, and soaking up the majestic views of the Karavanke mountain range, we devoured the local, traditional Bled cream cake, known as Kremna rezina, along with the refreshingly chilled local ginger and lime juice drink.



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A magical Bled wedding
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Nearby Vintgar Gorge - accessible by wooden walkways
The lake is approximately 1 mile long by 1 mile wide and takes about ninety minutes to walk round if you don't stop and admire any views! Needless to say we stopped and started continuously and it took us nearer 3 hours to complete. But what a fantastic, memorable walk we had!

Whilst staying in Bled, we also visited nearby Vintgar Gorge  - a long ravine discovered by chance in February 1891 - and took the 90 minute bus ride to the Capital city of Lubljana. Plenty to do and see!

If you are in need of a sprinkle of magic, or just need a few days of relaxation with magnificent scenery, I say, “Head to Bled!”



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VAK - the Hindu Goddess of Speech!

5/15/2012

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Vāk or Vāc (stem vāc-, nominative vāk) is the Sanskrit word for "speech", "voice", "talk", or "language", from a verbal root vac- "speak, tell, utter".
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It is also the acronym for a learning style of NLP -  Visual, Auditory and Kinaesthetic.

Following on from my previous blog entitled '"So, what's this all about, then?" I hear you ask.' I'd like to give you some examples of how you can harness the strength of the VAK representational systems to your advantage.

Living and breathing your Goals
When you have a goal that you, or someone else, wants to achieve, in either your personal or professional life, it becomes more real and attainable if you think of what it will really look, sound and feel like as you complete the journey to achieve it.  You can imagine every detail of the journey and how it will affect you, in every sense of the word, and when it has been finally reached!

Reach out and touch all of your audiences
When you write text of any description, you can use VAK to reach out to a wider audience.  Whether it is an article for a newsletter, a client document, an advertisement or a proposal, you can use a wider vocabulary and cover all the modalities.

Here are some examples of words and phrases that you can use altogether to increase the effectiveness of your communication:

Visual
It appears that......
Show me what you mean......
A glimpse of reality.....
Insight, perspective, vision, clear

Auditory
The important question we are all asking......
Word for word.....
We're on the same wavelength.....
Tell, question, discuss, argue

Kinaesthetic
Driving the organisation....
Take it one step at a time....
Moving through.....
Exciting, touch, solid

Making an impression!
If you are making a presentation, if you are part of a business meeting or training a group of people, you can make the experience more effective by making sure that your delivery connects with every participant by presenting your ideas with a variety of media - pictures for Visuals, hear your message loud and clear with words for Auditory, and experience it with feeling for the Kinaesthetics in the room. 

Back to the drawing board
We all take in information and retain it in different ways - Visual learners need to see pictures, wall displays and diagrams; Auditory learners need to listen to the spoken word through discussions, lectures and music; Kinaesthetic learners like role playing and practical sessions. Therefore, it is important when planning a business/personal project or learning a new skill that the provision of a multi-sensory approach is included for all the representational systems.

Chit-Chat
Nowadays, more and more business and even more and more social communication is done over the phone, by e-mail or via social platforms, rather than 'in person'.  You may never actually meet the other person you are electronically connecting with and therefore it is a good idea to write down a few of the key words and language that they use - do they use mainly Visual, Auditory or Kinaesthetic words and phrases?  (See above for examples).  Once you have built up a picture of your 'virtual' correspondent, you can then build your conversation using words that you know they will respond to most.  Jot a few words down whilst conversing with them and see what you hear!













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Because of Bernice......

5/10/2012

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RIP Vidal Sassoon CBE (17 January 1928 – 9 May 2012)

When I was 17 years old, back in the late 1970s, my first job was as a Junior Secretary and Receptionist for a successful London Architect's practice, McDonald Hamilton & Montefiore, located at the very affluent address of 100 Jermyn Street, Piccadilly, London.

Number 100 was a tall, skinny building with 4 floors and very steep stairs.  It faced  the back entrance of 'Simpsons of Piccadilly', which is currently Waterstones and, I'm pleased to say, still retains the iconic, uninterrupted curved glass frontage designed to reduce reflection for window shoppers.

Tony Montefiore's (of McDonald Hamilton & Montefiore) Secretary, Bernice, was my absolute mentor and I owe a great deal to her for showing me the foundations of what I needed to learn - on the job - to be a good, all round, efficient and organised Secretary-cum-PA-cum-Administrator.   She showed me the ropes - including how to use the PABX 4 x 18 telephone switchboard, how to change the ribbon on the electric Golfball typewriter, the format for typing up the lengthy Architect's Instructions (7 carbon copies - if you made a typing mistake you had to tippex out the error 7 times and re-type over it!), how to expertly fold the large A3 size Architect's drawings into a neat A4 package and how to carefully balance a tray full of tea-filled cups and saucers plus biscuit barrel, for the never-ending meetings that were held three steep flights up in the Board Room.

And how does this all relate to the inspirational and ground-breaking hairdresser Vidal Sassoon, you may well ask?!  I won't keep you in suspense any longer.......

My marvellous mentor Bernice had a friend who was the Manager of the very swish Vidal Sassoon New Bond Street hair salon!  Earning just £50 a week wasn't going to get me anywhere near a VS 'wash and wear' haircut by even one of his Junior Stylists -  BUT - because of Bernice, I was given first pickings and jumped the queue at the very popular Vidal Sassoon apprenticeship student cutting nights! 

After I had finished work at 5.30 p.m., I could stroll up to New Bond Street, enter the very magical VS hair salon door and be transported to an evening of pure hair pampering, be given endless cups of VS  coffee whilst having my locks expertly cut and teased into the latest fashionable asymmetric designs, all the while being guided hair-by-hair from the student Senior Trainers.  This was my chance to have the latest geometric yet organic haircut at a fraction of the price that the Mayfair 'ladies-who-lunch' would normally pay.  Never mind the fact that the students were so meticulous in their work that one hair-cut sitting could take anything up to three hours!  I often arrived home at 10 p.m. tired and hungry but beautifully coiffeured and on Cloud Nine!

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.......and here are some examples of those ground breaking styles from "a rock star, an artist, [and] a craftsman who 'changed the world with a pair of scissors.'"

I remember having  a version of the cut in the photograph that you can see, bottom left. Just imagine my pride the next morning as I confidently walked from Piccadilly underground station to my office in Jermyn Street, my head held high, sporting my new, very fashionable Vidal Sassoon haircut!   

One of VS's most famous quotes is:  "If I was going to be in hairdressing, I wanted to change things. I wanted to eliminate the superfluous and get down to the basic angles of cut and  shape."  From Vidal's humble beginnings in Hammersmith and being sent to an orphanage because his mother was so poor, he achieved great things.  He is an inspiration to us all. 

THANK YOU VIDAL SASSOON! .....and Bernice, of course!

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    Life Coach : future-focused practice with the aim of motivating clients to determine and achieve personal goals.     

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